Terry Hargrave - The Sandwich Generation

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  • Vortrag in Roseneck am 19.09.2012
  • Sandwich Generation:
    • 45-75 Jahre
    • gleichzeitig Pflege der alten Eltern und Versorgung der nicht selbständigen Kinder

Inhaltsverzeichnis

caregiving

big issue

  • Lebenserwartung steigt (50% der heute Geborenen werden 100 Jahre)
  • staatliche Unterstützung wird ökonomisch nicht mehr möglich sein (economic recovery → U/V/L-shaped!) → family - community - government support
  • aus tödlichen Krankheiten werden chronische Krankheiten (Herz-Kreislauf, Krebs, HIV, ...)

Modell: wer versorgt die alten Eltern?

aging member
     ↑
One primary caregiver (expectations?)
     ↑
One primary caregiver support group

who: sibblings, partner / spouse
what: money (housecleaning, Erbe!), spare time (relationships), care!
  • don't divide caregiving! fairness!
  • challenge for the sandwich generation: organize support group!
  • im therapeutischen Prozess: Familiengespräch mit Eltern, Kinder, Partner, Geschwister

Phasen der Realisation

  • ähnlich wie Sterbephasen nach Kübler-Ross:
    1. Denial (Nichtwahrhabenwollen, Leugnen)
    2. Anger (Zorn)
    3. Bargaining (Verhandeln)
    4. Depression
    5. Acceptance (Akzeptanz)

keep in mind:

  • elder people fight for their independence, don't want to be dependent
  • they might complain about the caregiver ;rarr, Familiengespräch! Wer soll es übernehmen?
  • take care that the caregiving relationship is not more important than the partner relationship and the family relationship
  • the ultimate expression of love: caregiving of elder! Es wird nicht besser, Du bekommst nichts zurück (?)

issues in caregiving

  1. help mentality → responsibility
    (daily fights → intergenerational fairness)
  2. guilt → choice
  3. burden → learning opportunity, "openhandedness"
    • focus on relationship, not behaviour
    • resolve old issues!
  4. Evenness: balance between caregiving, family, marriage, individual life
    → allow others to care for you!
  5. life satisfaction based on independence → happiness based on relationship

parenting

  • lifespan feature: in jedem Alter Vorbildfunktion für Kinder!
  • "Mottos" für die Kinder
    • "You can't do anything except the next game"
    • "It's totally out of your control"
      → be prepared to fail!
      • have an alternate plan
      • be realistic

boundaries

  • important for family collaboration
  • "when everything's done, there's always fence work"
  • make a plan to move out, sing it
  • Rules:
    • Boundaries
    • Safe Harbor
    • Three Safes: you have only 3 shots → stop resolving problems for them (Einstellung!)
    • clear consequences

links

http://www.terryhargrave.com/

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